The black dog is back and I think he’s been on steroids

Roughly 12 months ago I was diagnosed with depression which they seem to think I’ve had since my early teens. I was bad, I’d completely lost the will to live and saw no joy in anything. Shortly after, my ten year relationship ended so while dealing with that and waiting for my tablets to kick in I did nothing but play Xbox and watch Netflix. I wasn’t showering, I was barely eating and I shut everybody out. Then my tablets kicked, I started fishing and I’d become ok with being on my own. For the first time in years I was happy, it unnerved me as I wasn’t used to it. Everything was going great and I was getting better everyday. Fast forward to September 2016 and I nose dived big time, my brothers partner of ten years succumbed to a long illness and passed away fairly suddenly . I felt myself spiralling as I tried to get my head around it while trying to look after my big brother, an unusual feeling in itself as he was normally the one looking after me. My birthday went by virtually unnoticed due to the more important stuff happening and Christmas was looming. Lesser stuff has happened since but due to grieving they got on top of me. Now it’s April 2017 and I’m the lowest I’ve ever been, for the first time in my life I was genuinely thinking about suicide and it scared the shit out of me. So here I am writing this so I can get it all out and not have to hide it any longer. In future posts I will go further into detail about how I got here and try to track my progress


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